queerallman:

one time my girlfriend texted me this blurry picture of a thermometer and there was a second where i had a heart attack because i thought it was a pregnancy test but then i came to the realization that we’re lesbians

reblog perma

carryonwaywardsoldier:

how to flirt with someone in a museum: introduce yourself and then say i would shake your hand but that sign says not to touch the masterpieces